Not long ago, I sat in front of a senior leader who proudly described the culture of transparency he thought he had. “My step is always open,” he said. “I tell my team that I want the truth, when it is difficult.”
Later that afternoon, I talked to one of his direct reports. He stopped when I asked him what it was like to work for him.
“He says hey the truth,” he said quietly, “but at the time we challenge him or mention a concern, he defensively or closes the conversation. So we have all stopped trying. It is not a bad guy.”
She was angry. Worse, she was resigned to the fact that she was who she was. And she was alone. The team had learned that what its leader said and what he did did not coincide. His “Open By” had become a wider disconnection, and trust was rapidly eroding.
The leader did not see the gap. Hello, I really believed I was creating a safe space. But his behavior told another story.
And that is what happens: Do Gaps: We are one of the last to know that we have them.
What do you do when your words and actions do not match?
Most leaders do not wake up in the morning with the intention of being dishonest. But every time we make a promise we do not have, we falsify a number to achieve a goal or remain silent at a time that demands courage, we open what I call, the space, the space we say that we value and what we act.
You can feel small at the time. Harmless, even. But these gaps have a high cost.
In my 15 -year longitudinal study that analyzes around 3,200 interviews in more than 200 organizations, my team and I discover that when employees perceive misalignment between the words and actions of their leaders, they are three times more likely. That is more than a cultural problem. That is a problem of leadership choice.
And more than this is not unconscious.
Why leaders rationalize their gaps
Let’s say: Doesn’t the gaps usually come from malice? They come from the pressure. For fear of seeming weak. Of not wanting to disappoint or interrupt. When leaders are under fire (adjusted deadlines, investors’ demands, internal conflict, home stress, they reach rationalization:
- “I will correct the course later.”
- “This is not the hill to die.”
- “No one really noticed it.”
The problem is, They notice. Employees notice everything. The apologies omitted. The inflated projection. The performance standards that keep others so that it is not yourself. They notice when they declare a new set of values in a town hall, then they continue to reward the same old behaviors.
And slowly, in silence, trust begins to erode.
The hidden cost of misalignment
We tend to think about dishonesty as dramatic: fungi, fraud, lie or corruption. But in most organizations, dishonesty takes a quieter and more insidious form; People who retain ideas, exaggerate results, throw themselves under the bus or simply say “yes” when they mean “No.”
Our research showed that environments where identity (purphuose, values and culture) desalineated have almost three times more likely to promote this type of behavior. Approximately in time, these spaces corrode collaboration, innovation, courage and the voice of employees. People become transactional. Cynical. They disconnect not because they do not care, but because they no longer trust that honesty is safe or.
In summary: Let’s say: Does the gaps cost more than you think? They cost him the belief of his people in you. Your doubt gaps increase the probabilities of those around you for a factor of 3 times that They will join you By legitimizing their own holes.
Why it is so difficult to see their own gaps
The human brain is connected to self -protection. When our actions do not reach our adopted values, we tell ourselves a more flattering story to preserve our identity. We become the hero of our narrative. The pressure was impossible. The budget left no other option. The moment was not correct.
But to be honest with others, we have to be honest with perurselves. If we cannot see our own dissonance, we cannot close the gap.
As an executive confessed to me after a disastrous acquisition: “We all knew that Gofail, but we kept my mouth closed. Treat fever. We lost sight of who we were, and we couldn’t admit it.” The result? A $ 3.5 billion error, broken races and broken trust.
How to start closing the holes
If you take the reconstruction of trust seriously and become the leader that people want to follow, here are four practical ways to start:
1. Name your holes, out loud
Ask yourself: where am I tempted to say one thing and do another? Where have I rationalized a disconnection between my values and behavior? Then share that reflection with your team. Vulnerability creates clarity. And clarity is what people yearn for.
2. Make your values observable
Do not let the purpose statements live in Marcos on the walls. Uncard them in how decisions are made, who is promised, what are rewarded and how the conflict is handled. When their actions reflect their values without having to say a word, the alignment becomes contagious.
3. Invite the truth counters
Each leader needs some who are not impressed by their title, someone with permission to challenge and point out blind points. Create that space. Ask your team regularly: “Where do you see misalignment in me?” And thank them when they respond honestly.
4. Look for the employer
You say: Are the gaps not random? They have a pattern. Look back on your calendar of the last two weeks. Where their actions were not your established values? Be brutally honest. Then ask: What triggered the gap? What did you win by not acting in alignment: comfort, control, focus? Those options have a purpose. They make you feel safe. But until you name the pattern and discover its history of origin, you will continue to repeat it. Reflection is the first step towards repair.
Close your opinion: Do Gaps is not about perfection. It is about assuming responsibility for the moments when its humanity does not reach its ideals. We all have them. Your people are a miracle if you know yours.
The most honest leaders I have worked with are not perfect. They are committed to so much to reduce the gap between those who say and how they appear, special when it is difficult.
And in doing so, they earn something much more valuable than compliance. They gain trust. And once you have gained trust, performance, loyalty, courage and innovation, follow.
So, if you take seriously the leadership that inspires, not only instructs or directs, starting here: say what do you mean. Do what you say. And keep closing the gap.